Unmarried with Children - Leaving the state and custody

[CG0503]

This is NOT about alimony or trying to gain any additional assets from the dissolution of a relationship. I understand the law in FL. Please read PAST that...

Just for background purposes...
I was with my ex-boyfriend for almost 11 years. We have always resided in the same household and have 2 children together, boys ages 6 and 9. I also have a 16yr old daughter from a previous marriage. She has always lived with us full-time. We moved to Florida in August of 2006, from Massachusetts. For all intents and purposes, we were 'married' and even signed a Domestic Partnership agreement for insurance. The Community and even our young children thought we were married. I understand the law in Florida does not recognize domestic partnerships, so I'm not expecting to fight that fight and this questions is NOT about that.

My situation is this:

For the past 9 years I have been a stay-at-home mother to our children. We agreed on this arrangement. Me continuing to work didn't make financial sense, so we agreed I'd stay home with the children. I did work a few part-time jobs, briefly, over the past 9 years, but would always end up quitting because he had to take a business trip and wouldn't be there to watch the children during the hours I needed to work. He rarely did anything for or with the children without me present. I have not been away from my children for more than a few hours for 9 years. He has been gone for weeks at a time.

He has worked his way up in his industry, taking business trips and working on projects late-nights to further himself, while I've been home taking care of the children. We moved to Florida because he found a job here and they paid to move us here. He is in a pretty decent position and makes a good, solid wage by today's standards. We were living comfortably. Everything was in his name. I have no assets at all. I have no credit. I have no family or friends in Florida. My family all live in New England.

In October of 2011, my now ex-partner came to me and told me he was moving out, immediately. He also told me he had a new girlfriend, but that probably isn't legally relevant. I had no warning or preparation time for his decision. No chance of trying to make another arrangement. I asked him to stay through the end of the school year so I could try and secure work and housing, and we could make arrangements and divide things up, but he was adamant that was not going to happen. He moved out of the home immediately, to stay with a friend, and offered to pay monthly bills for one more month, which he did.

Meanwhile, I started looking for work and trying to figure out what I was going to do when December rolled around, if I hadn't found something by then. He grudgingly paid December's bills as well, but I had no extra money from him for Christmas.

As of January 2012, I have been on a couple of job interviews, but have not been successful finding work. I apply almost daily, but as I'm sure you're aware, the job front is not a good one for those of us looking, especially after a gap in employment like I've had. I work on refining my resume and apply for anything that I may be remotely qualified for. Although, I am still working on a stay-at-home Mom schedule and running to and from bus stops, before and after school, because I can not afford daycare, and since he has continued to pay rent here, I get no extra from him.

I am starting to feel strong-armed by him. Bullied really. He is constantly asking me what I'm going to do, because he says he is committing financial suicide and can not continue to support me. I feel as if he's manipulated the situation and may try and take the children from me because he can support them and I am left penniless. He has made threats to this effect, and I'm just scared and stressed and have no where to turn. He has written up a support/visitation agreement that just makes no sense, especially because I can't stay in Florida. I will be homeless if I do...because he has left me in this situation.

I am a good mother. I have been here for them every single day of their lives, while he traveled and spent much of his time with his work buddies. It is not in their best emotional interest for them to be taken from me. I don't think he can legally. I am a fit mother. I just feel helpless and don't have the means to get legal assistance.

This is a very difficult position to be in and I really don't know where to turn. I'm not asking for anything but fair child support from him, financially. I will never earn what he is capable of earning either. I just want to be able to live and support my children. I went from a decent home and the ability to feed and clothe them, to having to tell them I'm sorry, but we don't have milk right now and wondering if I'll have gas enough for the week to get them to school and back. Our relationship was one where I was dependent on him financially, because he manipulated it to be so, and to have to continue to be dependent in this situation is very stressful, to say the least.

Not take up too much more of your time...and I'm sorry for writing a novel, but I really need to express the severity of my situation....
The bottom line is that I am now left with 3 children I can't care for financially if I stay in Florida. He decided to leave and I was forced into this corner. He is not paying me direct support, because he is continuing to pay the rent and household expenses so we have a place to live, while looking for his own place. I worry daily if I'll have enough gas, or if he'll give me any money to buy food this week. It is a horrible way to have to live.

He informed me over Christmas that he is moving in to an apartment in January, and has given our current landlord notice. I have until the end of January to pack up and vacate. And he wants to know what I'm going to do...NOW.

My options are pretty slim at this point. When I last checked on housing assistance, I was told the waiting list is closed because there are too many people on it currently. My hands are tied here and I really have NO other option than to move back to Massachusetts and stay with family until I can get on my feet. I will at least have some kind of child support coming in so I can care for the children's needs while I look for work and our own place. We have spent summers there with my Mother for a couple of years, so they kids are not unfamiliar with her home.

He had agreed to pay support, once I moved out of the house we shared, but now that push has come to shove, he's bullying me and threatening me that he will take the children because he has an apartment and means to support them. He tells me 'They have a place to go. They can stay with me'. I feel he's manipulated this entire situation so he can gain custody of the children and not have to pay support.

He is on their birth certificates and there is no question of paternity. But, we were never married. My questions are:

1. Can I just leave with them and then file for custody once I arrive in MA? (I think this is probably a no.)

2. If I go to the court tomorrow and file an intent to leave the state, as well as a petition for full physical custody, citing the reasons I've listed above, will the court likely approve it?

3. If I DO leave the state without telling him, am I breaking a law? I understand I may have to come back to Florida to appear in court regarding the matter...but seeing there is no court order, would it be against the law?

This has stressed me out beyond belief. To know you can live with someone, have children with them, give your life to caring for the kids....and to see that Florida doesn't recognize that as a partnership, and you have no rights, is just flat-out archaic and wrong. At every turn, when I have sought help here, a door is slammed in my face and I hear...'Sorry. You weren't married. Can't help.' I am a good mother. I am a good person. My children don't deserve to be in the middle of this. Their wold has been turned upside down and I can't seem to get anyone, anywhere to understand that we need some kind of help so we can get on with trying to move on and get our lives back on track.

Can ANYONE offer ANY insight?

Thanks,

CG

[Attorney Cheri Hobbs]

You need to establish residency (6 months) in order to be able to file for "custody" or time sharing. You need to file a Petition to Establish Time Sharing and Other Relief in Florida asap and also serve him with a Petition to Relocate stating your desire to move and listing the reasons why it is in the children's best interest.

If you go through the proper legal channels and don't leave the state without the court's permission then you may be able to get the court to agree. Keep in mind that it is extremely difficult to get the court to grant a relocation.

If you leave the state without telling him he can contact the Department of Children and Families and he can pursue legal action against you. It is likely that the court would grant an Emergency Child Pick Up order and force you and the children to return to Florida.