I need Help, Advice.. Plz.

[MomOf6]

My story goes like this...
Married 16 years...6 children. I've been a stay at home mom for 15 of those years and have worked only this last year of marriage. My childrens ages are 16, 14, 13, 12, 7 and 5. My husband and I have been having marital problems for years now but have chosen to ignore them for so long for the sake of our children and for finances. He's neglectful and chooses gambling, poker and the computer over the children and I. because of that I've had extra marital affairs that he is aware of. We haven't slept in the same bed for months and have only been intimate a handful of times in the past 7-8 years.

He's been working on a divroce for a while now. He brought the children into it by asking their feelings about divorcing their mom and also talked to his co workers. All before talking to me about it. i was the last one to know that he wanted a divorce. the night he told me he had gathered up my children and called the police on me. The morning previous i had an altercation with my 13 yr. old daughter and i slapped her in the mouth. Nothing more or less than what he has done in the past. not saying it is right just letting you know that is our way of discipling our children. Anyways... he called the police and filed a child abuse report against me. I believe it was done to use against me in court and to get custody of the kids. with 6 children - child support and alimony is alot from what i hear. He's a paralegal and works in a law office. He tells me that he will draw up the paperwork and i have to do is sign them.

I have no idea what I am entitled to. What my rights are or what I can do to keep custody of my children. He's a smart man and has been using my children against me. I'm lost and hurt and confused and don't know what to do. Any advice on where to go from here?

[MomOf6]

I was also wondering how the affair I had will be used against me when we go to court. He says he just wants it mediated because neither of us want to fight. But we both want custody of our children. Will that play a big role on the divorce? on whether or not I get alimony and child support? thx

[Attorney Howard Iken]

I wouldn't worry that he is a paralegal. All that means is he knows how to put together paperwork. But he has never stepped foot in a courtroom or addressed a judge.

Child abuse reports are not admissible in court without an advance order by the judge. I wouldn't worry about that. Plus it sounds like you did nothing out of line. Mild physical punishment for children might raise some eyebrows in this day and age - but it is not prohibited by Florida law.

You said he brought the children into this. That is both a wrong as a parent and a legal wrong. That will boomerang on him if a judge ever finds out.

It sounds like this may be an alimony case but there is not enough info here to tell.

The fact you were a stay at home mom gives you a leg up on the custody issue.

If your affair is ended, I don't think it will play into this at all.

Attorney Howard Iken
Clearwater Divorce Attorneys

[MomOf6]

This week has been turmoil for me and my children. My husband of 16 years hit me with the Divorce question last week as you have read from my above posts. Today he comes home and tells me that he went to see a lawyer but that lawyer told him that it wouldn't be beneficial for either of us to get divorced since we can't afford to households. Now he just wants to continue living miserably and mean like we have been for the past few years. He thanked me for dinner and walked away without even a second thought. He's used the kids against me and have already gotten the police involved with a fraudulent report for child abuse. I don't trust him to have my or my childrens best interest at heart. I would still like to go through the divorce but it looks like I'll be doing it on my own. I'm just unsure or what to do now or where to go. I'm thinking I should see an attny for a free consultation and go from there. It's true that we may not be able to afford to households but after the crap he's pulled on me this past week I want my divorce. Neither of us are happy and are just going to be miserable unless we do something about it. I just don't know where to turn from here or what to do. what if I can't afford to raise my kids off of child support and what i make from my job? Is there a way i can find out what i'm owed before i file for a divorce?

[Attorney Howard Iken]

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