Children and Divorce

A Divorce can have severe negative effects on minor children. Here are some tips how to make divorce easier on your children:

Emotions of Children Involved in Divorce

Children can experience a wide range of feelings when their parents divorce, such as sadness, anger, loneliness, bewilderment and anxiety. Children usually hide these feelings from their parents. A lot of children fear that they caused the break up and they need reassurance that this isn't the case. Both parents should minimize the conflict around the child and try to encourage the child's relationship with the other parent.

Remember that it isn't just you going through the divorce, and be prepared to understand your child's needs and feelings. It may be advantageous to get outside help for you and your child. It is important for you both not to feel alone. Encourage discussion of what is happening and try to avoid sending your child away out of the situation as this just adds to the confusion.

Breaking the news of Divorce to Children

Most children will have already realized that something is not right in their parent's relationship and that there is a change in the atmosphere. Choosing the right time to break the news of the divorce is hard. You need to pick a time where there will be no interruptions. Try to make sure the child has had no other stress around this time. It helps if both parents are present when you decide to tell your child, so you can both answer any questions the child may have and so that there are no conflicting stories about what has happened. Allow the child plenty of time to recover from the news.

Try to ensure that the basic arrangements about the separation are already in place such as visiting, moves, etc. Make sure that you reassure the child that it is still okay to talk about the other parent. Encourage them to ask questions about the situation and what will happen in the future. Reiterate to your child that in no way is it their fault that the marriage is ending and that it is okay to be upset.

There are many divorce counseling services available designed specifically for children that you may like to consider. Meeting up with other people who have also been through the same situation can also lessen the feeling of loneliness, and help you to realize that you are not the only person that this has happened to.

Effects on Your Children From a Divorce

Divorce can affect children in a variety of ways, many of which can cause long term problems if not recognized and dealt with immediately. Some children can encounter emotional problems such as withdrawing into a shell or becoming aggressive. They can end up suffering from depression or developing behavioral problems. At school they can suffer a decrease within their academic performance and teachers may notice a change in the child's relationships with their friends. A normally well behaved, popular, committed student may turn into a disruptive, aggressive pupil who fails to pay attention in lessons.

As well as discussing the divorce with the parents, it may help the child talk about it with the rest of the family and their friends, as well as a counselor or child help lines. There are a number of books available on the subject, both fiction and non-fiction and designed for different ages. There are also a number of excellent websites that discuss the process of divorce such as the one you are reading - courtesy of The Divorce Center.

This article was written by a guest writer and is an exclusive feature of The Divorce Center.

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